A blog about being single and dating in San Francisco (well, sort of)
ESSAY TOPIC: Are intelligent women more attracted to bald men?
A man’s most candid (and sometimes funny) thoughts, in a creative writing essay
Have you always wondered how to find more intelligent men? Maybe they’re looking for you, too. Maybe even in creative ways.
Theory: Can a man, by shaving his head bald, attract and connect with more intelligent, deeper, more mature, more accepting women, and filter out superficial and shallow women in today’s high-fluff dating world?
Theory: Does a woman’s preference for a man with a bald head correlate with her having intelligence, maturity, acceptance, open-mindedness, and depth?
Here’s my interesting social experiment:
A shaved head, reactions, dating, confidence and more
Title: Letting my personality shine
We live in a superficial society. Perhaps you’ve realized this, or perhaps you even play a role in it. We all want to be liked for who we are, but we also try to fit an image. Since, today’s women don’t need to rely as much on men to be providers compared to seventy years ago, a man’s income is today statistically lower on women’s list of priorities. And, his physical looks now rank higher. Interesting, huh?
We also live in a very unnatural dating world, filled with apps, online dating, high speed internet, Facebook, and too many men for women to choose from with hundreds just waiting to entertain, organized by (often misleading) photos, (looks) that sometimes take away from the specialness of it all. Do you remember the magical old days when a guy saw a woman in a coffee shop and had the courage to come over and say hello, and was charming, and provoked laughter, and a good vibe was felt, and the woman went home excited and hoping and wondering about the amazing thing that surprisingly happened that day? Nope. Now, everyone now is too cool, too busy, too into their screen, in too much of a hurry, or, and it’s too easy to simply flip through good looking guys on an ap.
All of this has a way of giving us dating ADD, and actually takes something away.
My unique idea: A daring stunt to let my personality shine. Oh yes, pun intended.
How I arrived at my hypothesis
A woman once asked me if I would prefer to date a really beautiful woman, or one who is intriguing looking. I knew exactly what she meant. Many completely beautiful people can look…plain. Whereas, sometimes, a divergence from the “perfect”, an imperfection if you will, can grow on you, based on personality, until that look magically becomes your idea of attractive, even more so than the plain one.
So I wondered about the possible effects of one specific “imperfection” – a completely bald head.
– Is bald unattractive?
- What does do subconsciously to the viewer?
- Does it highlight the face or leave something missing?
…and my wondering progressed:
– If a woman is accepting of that imperfection, is she less motivated by physical beauty? Or, even more accepting of flaws generally?
– Will shallow women filter out, allowing focus on deeper women?
– Does a bald man’s confidence intrigue an intelligent woman?
– Do more mature women like bald headed men more?
We live in a world where men spend billions trying to keep their hair with toupees, chemicals, spray-on-hair in a can, follicle implant plugs, and other such nonsense. And no matter how much you love or hate our President, yes, you noticed his hair.
In fact, we haven’t had a bald president since TV became popular (Eisenhower), over 60 years! Not many politicians at all actually, percentage-wise. Whew, it’s a good thing humanity has evolved to the point where those entrusted with the launch of nuclear weapons have hair. The point is, the stereotypical image of an attractive, good man across TV, magazines, and movies is a guy with hair, especially for white guys like me. The very few notable exceptions help reinforce the rule, like Patrick Stewart (Captain Pickard), Bruce Willis, and Jason Statham. Compare that to the number of bald bad guys – pretty much every movie. And I’m pretty sure there has never been a bald “The Bachelor” in 22 seasons.
Ask most women, and they’ll tell you that women prefer hair.
In fact, on a dating website, a test of digitally removing hair from men’s photos reduced their response rate by 80%, that’s a 4-fold decrease! 1/5thof his previous responses. Ok, enough math.
For those women saying, “oh no, not me,” – yes, you. At least many of you. You probably chose the man to date, and senators and congressmen to vote for, consciously or not, by hair, with most bald men filtered out long ago. Sarcastic thanks.
As you read this, you’ll increasingly wonder whether the guinea pig in this social experiment is me, or really you. Keep that in mind.
So why would a somewhat normal, somewhat good looking guy, in today’s looks-driven dating world, with pretty much a full head of hair, choose to go bald on purpose, which is generally less attractive, to seek dating success?
Basically, why do the opposite?
Actually, I’m doing this for a number of very mature and respectable reasons.
One of my quests in life, besides having a happy loving family, close friends, an awesome career, achieving my potential, and making the world a better place, is to connect with a life partner who looks inside me and loves me for who I really am – a warm, intelligent woman. And of course, vice-versa. After a divorce a few years ago, I want to get it right next time.
I also happen to be a curious individual, and this social experiment will tell me a lot about people’s true natures, and my own character.
What would it be like to explore my confidence sans hair? Would it hurt my confidence or could I embrace it and pull it off? What would it feel like to walk down the street bald? Could I really be confident? Would it build character? Could I flirt, be confident, and be successful with women? Or would my confidence break after the first few rejections, forcing me to accept the harsh, depressing realities of baldness?
And could I go out into the business world bald and advance my career with a bald head, empowered and confident? Or would I be less like to succeed, as shorter men are less likely to be promoted than taller men?
As more background, I’ve also been stressing about having the right hair since childhood. Don’t laugh, but growing up, my parents were stuck in the 70’s and made me wear a big curly blonde afro. OK, you may laugh. Everyone saw me as the kid with beautiful curly hair first, not me for who I was inside. While the lunch ladies loved it, growing up in New York, it didn’t exactly go over well with the homies in the 80’s. Since we were poor and didn’t have money for haircuts, and my mom wouldn’t cut it, my teenage years were spent with the frustrations of juggling mirrors trying to cut it myself. Meanwhile, other kids had professionally trimmed hair and mercilessly made fun of my fro. Thanks mom.
The point is, how liberating would it be to enjoy the freedom of letting all such cares melt away?
And by not having hair myself, would I appreciate women’s beauty more?
So those are among my hypothesis.
And yes, I am making a very mature decision. I’m betting on at least some women being completely mature and above the hair that so many men rely on. I’m putting my own butt on the line. If women aren’t as mature as I’m betting, it’s my own butt that won’t be doing any shaking for quite a while.
How this may play out
I know it may repel women, but I think the better question is, what if it only repels some but not all women? Could it possibly weed out more superficial women? Or, women who have certain images or rigidities?
It is just a theory, but what if shallow women self-select out? Could this actually allow me to focus on more intelligent, mature, deeper women? Stranger things have happened.
Can this help me connect based on personality first? What type of woman will I end up connecting with if I don’t lead with a stereotypical “good looks” image, but my intelligence, personality and charm? Do I even really have any?
Background on me – The Test Subject
I have more or less a full head of dirty blondish hair, barely 5’9”, white, male, professional, fairly athletic build (ok slight love handles) (and self-deprecating humor). I’m intelligent, easy going, playful, a little eccentric, with a personally I think is charming and funny. I could be wrong. Stay tuned.
As additional background, with my standard look, even though I don’t consider myself good looking, I fit the initial stereotypical image of a “good looking guy”, at least from afar: Cute short haircut, medium build, clean, trimmed beard etc. My dress is business casual, and stylish, not in following fashion trends, but I have an artistic eye. On a given day, I’ll usually wear a blend of earth tones, or a blend of blues that are pleasing to the eye, wear a nice sweater, clothes that fit, pants that show off my butt, etc.
And historically, one or two women usually look my way and just give a quick glance when I would walk into a restaurant or bar, classroom or other social place with attractive women, board meeting, Oval Office etc.. If I make eye contact with a woman, they might smile or toss their hair. If I smiled genuinely, they probably smile. My looks have a social effect I’ve grown accustomed to. You probably have too.
—The Test: Go out into the world bald, yes completely bald, be social, meet women, flirt, date, and see how it goes.
I will now see if my charm, intelligence, humor, and personality as a man can carry the day. So, here we go.
But would I really dare? Go completely bare? There are attractive women everywhere! Like that really pretty girl I was flirting with last week – can I really go back to see her next time bald? What will she say? What will her reaction be? Can I really?
Here I go. Buzzed off all the hair. Lathered up the entire head. Shaved clean. Clean as a whistle. Shaving gel and Gillette Mach 3 razor. Ear to ear, forehead to all the way back. Mr. Clean. I had become a light bulb.
And since the initial shave, I have been shaving every other day or two, keeping it bald. I have a neatly trimmed beard, which I kept. I basically look like I’m upside down.
I had given myself a royal, first class, shiny smooth baldy.
And, what happened? Here are the fascinating details.
Day 1 of being a single bald man in San Francisco
I wondered, can I even really actually walk around bald? What will people think? What will people say? Will women giggle as I walk past? Will record players screech to silence as I walk into a room and everyone turn and stare? Will cars screech to a halt and get in fender benders? Will women drop their milk shakes, turn and scream in shock?
Here I go – out into the world. No hat, just the breeze. I had to pick up a couple of things, so I went to the mall, the grocery store, walked down the street, and hit several stores.
The act of shaving your head really challenges your confidence. It is a challenge that can either bulldoze it, or, if you respond strongly and embrace it, it may actually feel empowering. Although, surely thrilling and scary also IF you can embrace it and not care. When you shave your head, you go bald before the whole world. It’s a statement to the world, saying “thisis what I think of your opinion.” Nada. You cant just be okay facing most people and most women bald. You are bald with EVERYONE! Not just those average women whose opinions you don’t care about, but also that one really beautiful girl you have a crush on and are thinking of asking out whose opinion you REALLY care about. Yep, you have to face HER bald. When you take off your hair and say to the world “I don’t care”, you’re going to have to not care about the opinion of those whose opinions you care about most. And, there’s perhaps nothing more liberatingly signifying of not caring about a beautiful woman’s opinion is, than shaving your head clean without regard for her opinion.
So what is it like walking down the street?
Contrary to my instincts, nobody batted an eyelash or even noticed. Whaaa?
People mostly spoke to me not as an alien, but largely no different than when I had hair. It’s as if people didn’t notice. Interesting. A shiny bald head, and it’s the same typical conversations with ordinary people. Holding the door while going into a store and “sorry didn’t want that to close on ya…Oh thanks”, “are you in line?…no, I have more than 12 items so I’m going over here”, “Have you tried those croissants? No, but they look fattening.”
Looking around, I occasionally see a bald head on another guy, and the paparazzi isn’t following him either. So generally, no reaction. It’s a completely normal thing in society. Perhaps I would have gotten a reaction with a pink mohawk or a parrot on my shoulder, but then again this is San Francisco.
Women’s initial reactions
I quickly noticed that initial split-second reactions of women my age range to me as a bald guy are now often different.
When I walk around now, far fewer women notice me, look my way, make eye contact, and naturally smile unprompted. When I had hair, just from fitting a clean-cut stereotype, I would get more looks and smiles. I think it is pretty clear that on initial first glance based on looks, most women now like me less, or not at all.
That good-looking-guy aura is not there. When I stand behind a cute girl on line at a store, she now probably won’t – naturally and for no reason – do a half turn to check me out and smile. I am invisible to most women. Also there is an initial energy of distrust and nervousness with some people, perhaps expecting to be mugged. If you don’t think people judge based on appearance, try walking around dressed like a homeless person versus a successful businessman, even in San Francisco where the line here is quite blurred and even the homeless have iphones. The point is, there is distinctly less initial first glance interest from women. I specifically noticed less interest from a couple of women I knew who were kinda flirty before.
In a clothing store, I saw two attractive women who work there and decided to ask them their opinion, lifting up my head and pointing with my palm upward. The hot one said it looked “phenomenal – did you just do that?” They said they couldn’t tell I shaved it (meaning recently or by choice), and said they thought I was “just bald.” Another plug for the Mach 3 razor, who should be paying me or sending me free samples, but isn’t. The point is, I’m as bald as Mr. Clean or Kojak, not a buzz cut or even enough stubble to suspect I’m bald by choice. By the way, I later tried telling a woman I was chatting with that I actually had the power to grow hair…and it’s kind of like a homeless guy bragging about his limo. So, absent photographic evidence, I’m simply bald.
Btw, when women tell you that you look good, it’s different than a guy saying it. Women say that because they feel empathetic with the fact that you are feeling a new look, and they naturally want you to feel good about your new look. They are not really saying something unfiltered and mindless like when a guy sees a hot girl and grunts like a caveman, “hot girl.” Totally different part of the brain. A woman could get her hair cut at the butcher shop and her friends would say it looks good and smile and be empathetic.
Meeting and interacting with other singles
Next, while in a store, I decided to try something new: explore my bald confidence.
As I approached the cute checkout girl who was to ring up my purchase, I started playfully making faces at her. And you know what? She gave me the surprised and then deep eyes with curiosity and interest like she’s into me – really checking me out inside my eyes and down in my soul. You know that look of curiosity. Wait, what? Ok, now this is getting interesting. And she definitely gave me a curious and interested smile as I was saying bye. How interesting. Did she not notice that I am bald?! And if she would have cared initially, how did that get overridden so instantly and completely?
I had also wondered if bald is not ugly the way ugly facial aesthetics are ugly.
Perhaps it just initially presents as ugly, but is somehow malleable, recoverable, like overcoming an initial prejudice, especially if face is otherwise attractive, and the personality is there. I mean, I think it’s much harder to get over an ugly face, than a woman not initially liking but growingly accepting a bald head on a face she otherwise finds attractive.
Does anyone even mention my hair who didn’t know me prior? No. Walking down the street, nobody bats an eyelash.
But to be fair, women don’t notice just hair first. They notice the whole package. Not my “package” silly, THE WHOLE package, meaning women notice all of a person. They notice how you stand, how you walk, the expression on your face, your energy, everything.
Even more generally, when you encounter someone, you notice face and facial expressions, eyes, and vibe, far more than appearance. This is genetic and primal. Think about it. When you encounter people on the street, in a store, wherever, your first biological instinct is to tell whether the person is a threat. (Then, second, whether you can trust and respect this person.) When you walk down a dark alley at night, and people walk toward you, do you notice their hair, or whether they seem safe or not? You obviously notice their facial expression, whether they are “eying” you, or laughing and on the phone. If they are on their iphone you know they are no threat. By the time they look away from their screen, and their brain adjusts to reality and eyes to the dark, you’ll be long gone. So, you notice people’s energy; tense, hostile, or laid back, calm and smiling. Maybe their dress and cleanliness thereafter. The point is, after the primal concerns, womens’ attention radar on you as a possible mate is not often triggered in the first instant unless you are good looking, or fit her image, which is often hair.
Many women have certain visual and physical types of men they go for. When looking to meet men, they subconsciously filter men based on looks and initial impression without realizing it. For example, a woman may say she wants a nice guy who treats her well, but if all of her boyfriends are 6 feet tall with nice bodies and great hair, what she means is, she wants a nice guy who fits her image of an acceptable mate. More on this later.
Men seem more respectful. Men get out of my way more walking around the street, in a store or restaurant. Even in traffic more people give me the right of way. Whaaaa? Is that alone worth being bald?
I’m naturally soft spoken. I’m masculine and go after what I want, but I’m not loud or obtrusive. It’s cultural – I was born in Europe, and there we don’t scream like we are on fire at a restaurant, but simply have calm, intelligent conversations.
A bald head seems to counterbalance that mild-mannered side of me. Waiters and waitresses even seem to get my order correct more often. My initial sense is, I’m more respected bald. I can’t tell whether it’s genuine, or some form of reverse discrimination, or both. And there is both discrimination and reverse discrimination. And, some people are very very almost a little too nice. I can’t tell whether they think I am a gang member (with no tattoos), the happiest cancer patient ever, feel sorry for me for being bald, like my eyes, love my confidence, think I am bad ass, are intrigued, or whatever other reason. I later realized I do have to dress nicer to minimize the bad ass gang member potentially crazy initial impression…which disappears if I’m smiling, or moment I open my mouth. It’s actually kind of nice to see people’s eyes light up when I say a sentence.
Funny story. The other day, I was just grabbing my mail when I bumped into my friends on their way out to dinner. They wouldn’t take no for an answer and dragged me out, literally as I was in shorts and boots and a ripped t-shirt I was fetching the mail in. Suddenly I’m in the hottest Thai restaurant in town like that. What fun. Apparently they knew the owners of the restaurant, yadda yadda. You can imagine how I felt. So the owner (nice lady) comes over and says hello to chat up our table, and is then like “oh, who’s this?” smiling and motioning to me. I replied, “I’m just a homeless person they picked up on the way over here.” To which, she replied, “oh stop it, you’re adorable,” and the whole table laughed.
But in general, pretty clearly, waking around bald, women make eye contact less, and more often ignore me as if I were invisible. Eye contacts are fewer and further between, and when they happen, usually just quick, neutral glances.
I can see how if a man walks around bald versus wearing a hat, how he may get a very different initial glance first impression trend result from the female population, which may convince him that women prefer non-bald men. I can also see how a general negative first instant impression may hurt the ego and confidence of some bald men. Especially, because men tend to judge women more by physical features, so we assume women do too. But that’s my whole experiment.
When I went into a cafe to get coffee and a bite, I noticed the girl behind the counter was super friendly and smiling at me big time. I acted friendly and casual, but her smile stood out enough that I thought of later going back to chat with her. A few minutes later, her boyfriend showed up, also bald as a cue ball, with facial hair. It dawned on me that here’s one woman who not just tolerates, but genuinely likes the look. I had to let that sink in for a moment, that she doesn’t settle for a bald head, it may actually be her preference. Same way I like big butts – something some women can never fully grasp. (no pun intended)
Getting down to business: Is flirting as a single man still allowed?
When walking around, at the grocery store, wherever, I tend to naturally chat with women. I do this because I enjoy it. If I’m in the deli section of the supermarket, and in a good mood, and there’s a cute girl there, hey, why not.
Now, after getting past the initial hurdle, as soon as I open my mouth, with many women, the result is exactly the same as when I had hair. Most women don’t behave any differently. Some have a slight edge of initial hesitation, soon replaced by whatever my energy is. If I’m funny, they laugh. If I’m respectable and interesting, they chat. If I’m intelligent and they are too, they listen and sometimes find me intriguing. If I’m charming, they smile. If I’m playfully challenging, they want to play. If I hit on a soft spot, they blush. If I’m boring, they move on. If I’m nervous or weird, they fake smile and excuse themselves…sometimes even leaving their entire grocery cart behind. Haha, just kidding.
Where as a single man do I meet women in San Francisco?
The other evening I went out, walked into a book store, saw an attractive woman, and started chatting her up casually. We chatted about books. I told her an interesting story. Since she seemed interested and kept chatting, I asked her if she wanted to have coffee. She gave me her number completely casually and easily, same as every other time I have gotten a number. No special effort. I wouldn’t want a woman’s number if she was really hesitant about giving it anyway. Unless, she was just having fun teasing me about giving it. Then I’d really want it.
Some women are naturally more talkative to me then I’d expect. I’ll file this under curiosity. Maybe men often talk to them, but maybe not many bald men, so when a bald guy is out of nowhere making them laugh in the deli section, maybe she is just enjoying the new experience. By the way, there is a lot of really funny stuff going on in the deli section. For instance, what the heck is headcheese? Never mind, I don’t want to know.
I think many women are beautiful for not caring about men’s looks at all. Men are designed to find a woman based on her ability to have healthy babies, so youthful appearance, hip to waist ratio, clear skin, etc. Men, since the caveman days, which I am apparently very familiar with, have been more about utility. Can he fight off the dinosaur, make fire, make peace with the other cave men or keep them at bay, and bring a woman her ice cream while pregnant.
Men may see a woman, and instantly know their level of attraction based on looks, and simply be able to mark her down as, let’s say an 8. Men probably shouldn’t be guided by this attribute in choosing a wife, but that’s a different issue. I’m talking about attraction. For women, they either don’t think much about it, or, if they see a guy, they may mark down his looks, but in a very faint pencil. Let’s say 8 for now. Then, that guy may open his mouth and say one sentence, and may drop down to a 2 based on negative traits he may convey. Or, if he is adorable, he may go up. However, for a (normal) woman to fall in love, usually, it takes months of learning to know and trust who he is inside, in his character.
For some, bald is even less of an issue – It’s simply an afterthought. Perhaps like, “hey this guy is making me laugh and feel good, let me note his looks so I remember who he is and can later find him in a crowd. A mental note of his face, few inches taller than me, blue shirt, blue eyes, facial hair, bald head, I remember his eyes. Check. Note to self, this bald one with nice eyes made me laugh, mental picture, check, remember to find and flirt with him again later.”
But it’s not all positive. Some women who would always see me and be friendly with me literally stopped even noticing me.
Now, when I typically go to chat up a woman, I don’t think about what I will say. Har har, I know. Leave your jokes in the comments. I don’t think it matters much as long as it’s within reason. I think much more important is the energy I put out. When I am going to meet a woman, I just try to be my funny, laid back self, and just talk about something amusing or funny in that situation. When I am amused or laughing at something, feeling completely relaxed and at ease, and smiling genuinely, many women tend to instantly feel my vibe and join in that fun energy, bald being no exception.
So, in sum, I would say a good percentage of women don’t look above the eyes, or even seem to notice whether I have hair or not once they know you. She doesn’t know hair is an issue. I know a lot of bald guys are self-conscious, but to many women, if you pointed to a group of three guys, two with hair and one completely bald, and said, which one of them stands out as weird or different or has something wrong with them, they literally would not know what you are talking about. To her, it’s just three guys in t-shirts and jeans hanging out. The harder part is feeling relaxed when meeting a beautiful stranger who is nervous. Let’s refer to this as the initial exchange of frames. Either she makes you nervous or you make her feel relaxed.
Pretty soon after I shaved it, I went out with this one woman I was sort of seeing, 34, intelligent, warm and kind, professional, straight laced and normal. No drugs or any extreme or overly edgy lifestyle. I told her I was thinking of doing this a few weeks prior, but hadn’t mentioned it since. When I told her, she mentioned it wasn’t her particular preference. I asked her if she ever saw a bald man she found attractive, and her response was “of course.” So as far as she was concerned, without any warning or concrete notice or even recent discussion, I just up and shaved my head clean. Out of the blue. I just thought I’d get her natural, no warning, unfiltered reaction. She comes over. Walks into my house. Comes into my room where I am getting ready. Sees it, and calmly and matter-of-factly says “Oh. Looks good.” She kisses me hello and we go on with our day as though nothing happened. No shock. No omg. No exclamation or excitement in her voice. Didn’t bat an eyelash. And, we went out for several months after this, I kept it clean-shaved, and, she literally never mentioned it again. She didn’t even appear to notice, or give it the slightest thought. Hypothetically, if I would have mentioned to her that I would keep it bald permanently, I’m pretty sure she would have plainly said, “ok” without the slightest preference either way. She literally utterly didn’t give a shit and never gave it any thought. We had talked about taking it to the next level and she would have happily done so, if I had been into it. One of her favorite pictures of us, she mentioned, is with me bald, us in a restaurant. She didn’t “need to get past it” or “accept it as a minor thing.” It didn’t matter AT ALL. This is a perfect example of a woman who cared zero. She literally gave zero “f*cks about my hair. What she did want to know is where our relationship was going.
Sometimes I literally forget that I’m bald as far as women’s reactions go. Just going about my daily life, to the supermarket, library, book store, and being myself, I generally meet women and get numbers fairly often. I just say what’s on my mind and see if I enjoy her company. If she smiles and seems warm and into it, I keep playfully chatting. If she seems like she wants to leave, I say “bye, nice meeting you.” If her eyes light up like she’s into me and she stays close and the vibe is fun or interesting, I might ask if she wants to get coffee, and get her number.
But while a genuine positive vibe makes some women warm up to me, some others never get past the physical. Some women who I think should be charmed by me are not. This could be due to bald discrimination, but hard to know for sure. Maybe they have a boyfriend, are in a bad mood, are in a tight social group, or maybe I’m just not that funny. That was a joke btw. Self-deprecating humor? Nevermind.
Finding women looking to meet intelligent, single men in San Francisco
The whole point of the experiment is, this hairstyle is not intended to attract every woman, or more women, but to be a filter that only lets the right women through. If 90% of women self-select out, and 10% who are more intelligent, deeper, accepting and loving filter through, and I can focus on those, I’ve actually hacked the dating universe. Don’t copy me.
And with this possibility, I also feel like I’m doing this out of respect for women. I’m taking a bold risk in honor of those women who might filter through. Like my bald head is a dedication, a small sacrifice, not only to highlight (no pun intended) their beauty by contrast, but to highlight the inner beauty that would allow those women to be interested.
Does being bald filter out shallow women? And how do I know it’s not just a baseless taste preference?
So, flirting goes fine. Interesting chats with cute girls go fine. I get numbers fine. All as if I had hair. Or at least, if bald was just another hairstyle – nothing to give a second thought to. But, only when I am in a good, funny, charming, playful mood. If I wear bitchy resting face, bald on top of no personality and what have you really. I also notice that some of the women who like me in person, later, without my presence, tend to have more dating ADD. She’s not feeling the vibe she felt around me, and just remembers the image of a bald guy. So my sense now is, in person, your personality matters. But online, or when you are apart, or she is picturing you, it’s how she views you – visually or with her emotions. You have to remember women now constantly have men entertaining them and sending them amusing texts to keep their attention like circus clowns. Rather than a woman wonder about an awesome guy she hasn’t heard from in a few days, she is likely to be stimulated brain chemically by the next shiny object. (I cant stop the puns!) I miss the old days when you sent letters and waited weeks or months and just fantasized and missed one another.
I went to grab a bite at a restaurant bar the other day. As soon as I walked up to the bar and sat down, an attractive woman next to me was chatting and flirting me up from first instance. My first thought was, is she so drunk that she hasn’t noticed that I’m completely bald? But no, she literally probably just thought “oh here’s a kinda cute guy sitting next to me, nice eyes, nicely dressed, confident personality, and oh he’s making me laugh already and seems cool and fun. There was literally no recognition of my baldness, like she never noticed, or it literally didn’t register in her mind. I would not be surprised if the next morning, is someone asked her, “the guy who sat next to you at the bar last night, what kind of hair did he have?” …that her reply would be, “you know, I don’t remember…I kind of remember his face and vibe, but honestly I couldn’t tell you what his hair looked like.” She was very pretty, though not intelligent and present enough to be my type. Still, we ended up sitting together for an hour laughing and having fun, with her playfully flirting most of that time, touching my hand, etc, while she ignored much taller, better looking, perfect-haired, more fit, less jiggly men. And, we almost went home together.
Ok, so honestly I don’t really have major love handles, and I love self-deprecating humor, but when I don’t go to the gym for a while, there’s definitely jiggle. Once I ran down a flight of stairs to go flirt with a cute girl, and when I stopped at the bottom, my love handles were still fluttering. I smiled and said, “hi, just give me one moment…”
Ok, since we’re telling stories, if you’re thinking it couldn’t get worse for me than that, there was that one time in college I thought I was alone in the stairwell and let out the most silent and deadly – like 20 seconds of full throttle gas decompression…right as three cute girls came out of nowhere, turned the corner and stepped up on the landing next to me. They said “hi.” I said “sorry.” I couldn’t face them. Although they probably wished I had.
The important lesson from the bar story above is, 1. She was pretty, about 30, and 2. I didn’t spend any time charming her with my personality before her eyes lit up. She literally saw a bald guy sit down next to her and immediately turned to me with interest and lit up eyes and the chemistry started immediately. To her, it was just a good-looking, good-vibe, well-dressed man who sat down next to her and she was interested from the get go. She literally didn’t care that I was bald in the slightest. And again, she may not have even noticed.
This happened another time too, in a coffee shop, when I started chatting with and ended up sitting with a woman, who likewise had the happy vibe of, “ooh yaye, here is a (good-looking/fun/interesting) guy chatting me up.”
But, of course, its also true that many women will have a negative reaction, sometimes unrecoverable.
One different thing since the experiment is, if I meet a woman and we are going to go for a cup of coffee or walk somewhere, some women ask me to promise not to become a serial killer and murder them. I begrudgingly agree and say “darn, …ok, fine” and then they have no problem coming to hang out, even getting in the car with me, or whatever. I got asked this question far less when I had hair.
Meeting an intelligent man based with a great personality
I always hated when a woman was into my looks initially, and the more I revealed of my personality, humor and intelligence, the less she liked me. You know that sucks. I rather she just not like my looks and reject me for that.
So, more and more, my experiment explores the opposite of that. Walking around, I am not getting warm looks and smiles from most attractive women, and I get the sense they like me less.
But if I’m charming and adorable and happen to get a chance to chat a woman up, often all goes well. For example, like with the lovely blonde the other day at the car dealership. We were having a blast being silly and talking intelligently while waiting for our cars to be ready. I got her number, and we easily set up a date to go out. Having good looking hair in that situation would not have helped me in the slightest – certainly not at the expense of even a little of my good vibe and humor.
It’s a filter in a way. If I’m feeling at ease, making a woman laugh, and intriguing her with intelligent conversation, my theory is, I will become more attractive in her eyes every minute, at least for the type of women I am interested in. By contrast, a good looking guy with awesome hair who has nothing else will become less attractive every minute….to the type of woman I am interested in.
If she is not finding my intelligent conversation interesting, it also creates a greater divide than if I fit her visual image. A filter, exactly.
Finding and dating an intelligent bald man
So the girl from the bookstore has been texting me without much effort on my part. I just text back now and again without much thought, and so… apparently we’re going out. I wonder if she even noticed my bald head when we met? Is it too late to grow it out before our date?
So, a couple of hours before our date, I shaved it clean. Arrived, walked in to the coffee shop where we are meeting, saw her, walked up, said hello, and just gently touched the small of her back because if I hugged her I would have spilled her coffee. There was instantly a comfortable vibe in our shared presence. I got my coffee, and we started walking around chatting, completely casual and easy-going. She never gave even a glance up to my scalp, and looked me in the eye the whole time as normal. It was clear that my bald head never entered her mind. She didn’t perseverate on it, didn’t stare at it, but completely ignored it or didn’t even notice – I can’t tell. As if I had hair or not wasn’t even on the horizon. It was as if most all men were bald, and she usually dated bald men, and she was just on another date with another guy she was potentially interested in and felt comfortable with, and looking to find out more about him.
We hopped in my car and ended up spending the day together. We had a nice date, chatted about all kinds of things, and had a cool time. My bald head never came up in discussion, as if it literally never crossed her mind. Not worth a second thought. As if I had hair. And in fact, just to fast forward, we did some dating after this, and in all our dates and spending time together, it never came up. To this day it has never came up. Nor with meeting her friends, when we all went out and spent the evening chatting. If we liked each other and had we continued, I’m sure we could have dated for months and she would have never mentioned it. Maybe she didn’t care whether I would ever grow it back, or assumed I was permanently bald, or it literally never crossed her mind. I was just me – an interesting guy she was interested in getting to know.
Btw, I think her lesbian friend may like me also, but I’m not getting into that right now. For some unexplained reason, I’m the one guy lesbians are interested in. I am not that good looking, not that great a body, nothing special from the outside, and I swear I don’t even do anything. I’m sure I’ll get heck for this one, but I’m just being honest. How do I know? I can just tell by the way we feel the magical electricity when we hold hands, how they want to kiss me, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with that. A woman has a right to change her mind, right?
Getting back to my point, there is something especially feminine in not being overly concerned with looks. I find myself enthralled by the idea of charming the pants of a woman (figuratively, of course) with only my personality. This challenge is exactly why I like being bald: The theory that with my intelligence and personality, some intelligent women feel at ease and find me adorable. I love the possibility that the type of woman I am searching for will be attracted to an interesting, intelligent, intriguing, charming, funny, cute, bald man over a good looking, tall guy, with great hair and with that whole perfect image thing going on. You ladies know what I’m talking about.
And I love the idea that I will find a woman more accepting of flaws. I could certainly use that. A woman who accepts a man and appreciates him and makes him feel good about the one thing out of fifty he did right that day, is a woman who has a man who will do two things right the next day, and then three, and four, and so on. Men are prehistorically conditioned hunters, gatherers, do-ers. If we are not appreciated for what we do, our soul dies.
My ideal woman appreciates this precious life. She is open-minded and curious. She may want to go out on a date with the captain of the football team, but also that nerdy science genius, and that artistic French guy, and the playful warm chubby Italian fellow, and the wholesome carpenter, and a wide assortment of different archetypes as she explores her world. To her, having a date with a tall, good looking guy with luscious hair one week, and then next week a charming intelligent bald guy is just the variety and spice of life and all its differences. She’s not going to make a judgment, just experience the world and let the chips fall where they may.
I heard the most charming story the other day, from a woman who distinctly has her “type” that she goes for: tall, dark and handsome, with luscious dark hair. And yet, she once happened to be friends with a guy with a clean shaved bald head, and while the circumstances weren’t right, she started to get to know and really like him as a human being, and started feeling the magic like maybe never before. That is what I love about women. And it’s so rare nowadays. That twist of events – liking the unlikely person, and the cosmos and love being smarter than we are. When it just feels right, even thought it’s not how it was “supposed”to be, and the woman is in love and couldn’t be happier with the opposite of what she always thought she wanted. It is so far from our consciously-driven internet dating shallow visual selection process where we have too many options. We pick out our exact physical type and maybe don’t even give a chance to those we’d feel the real magic with if life’s strange sense of humor got a chance.
And yes, I went out with the blonde from the car dealership also, and we had a fabulous time. And no, I don’t kiss and tell. But I will say, that unlike the woman in the bookstore, my bald head did come up in conversation, and I did tell her I did this on purpose. It was cool because I let her in on some jokes and we had some laughs about it. Like how I told her there was a camaraderie between all bald people, and right after that the bald waiter came over and chatted us up and gave us comps. Now how could I ever grow my hair back and face him? And on our date, I did notice her looking up at my head repeatedly as we were talking during the first hour of our date. Maybe it was intriguing or different. She was more than a decade younger than me, so maybe she hadn’t dated many bald men. Later on in the date, after she had gotten to know me, I forgot how it came up, but she casually mentioned that she thought as a guy I was “pretty darn perfect.” We did go out again after that date. It ultimately didn’t work out between us, but for political reasons, and zero to do with my being bald.
Okay, so are all my flirts successful? Gosh no. In a store the other day, I saw a super cute girl walk past me, but what caught my attention is how she walked, lazily in her flip flops, with just barely enough energy to keep them from falling off. I thought her laziness was hot. Don’t ask me why – I could write another thesis on it. I went up to her and started chatting her up about art she was looking at, and discovered she is an artist. Things were kind of going south so I confessed that I came to flirt with her, and how terribly it was going with a blushing smile. She said, “awe no, you’re doing fine.” So I asked for her number but she said no. I was a little disappointed because she was deep and intelligent, but I guess I understood with her tall good-looking boyfriend in the next aisle. I’ll never forget her eyes.
Also, I went to one meetup and chatted with two women. One was absolutely beautiful, intelligent and I certainly wanted to get her number. I think I should have, as I was confident, in my element, and enjoyed my own energy, and, we had a lot in common culturally. But, she felt absolutely no interest towards me as we chatted whatsoever. I was off the grid, and I guess it was because I was bald. Funny, but towards the end, when I went over and asked for her number, the other woman I hardly spoke to the entire time came over right at that same moment and was offering me hers did I mention literally right at the exact same moment? Hashtag awkward. Needless to say, I didn’t see either of them again.
Dating as an intelligent and confident man
I’m much more naked in my personality when I am bald. I don’t have a hair buffer, sugar coating up everything I say with the bonus of a good looking guy saying it. I don’t fit the image of women’s favorite characters in movies they have historically liked, unless their dad or former boyfriend is bald.
It’s now much more about how I walk, the tone of my voice, the look in my eyes, my vibe, my physical build, and what I say. I think, bald, one actually has to be funny. But maybe when you’re funny, it’s funnier. When you’re charming, it’s even more so. And yes, when you’re bland, nervous, scared, bored, boring, it’s just more of that crap.
And yes, it’s a lot more work. With nice hair, I could drag my butt out of bed in flips flops and on line at Trader Joe’s there’s a cute girl in front of me eyeing me and without even trying next thing I know she’s giving me her number and we’re soon going out. Not bald. I actually have to put effort, including into my look. But I actually think when you are bald, you have a choice – either let go and give up, or rise to the occasion, walk prouder, be more charming, exercise more, be sweeter to women, focus more on your career, etc.
It’s definitely easier with hair. There are times, when just going to a party, women just approach me, start conversations, and absent me doing something dumb, just talking about something that generally connects, they end up feeling their attraction for me increase and I get her number. We text and end up on a date without a thought.
With hair, when I go into a circle of guys at a party, everyone has the “I’m good looking and I know it, women come be attracted to me” vibe as they chat, mingle, tell stories, whatever. Going into a circle of people talking with me being bald, I can almost feel the other men’s confidences go up, as if thinking, “ha, this bald guy is my competition, lol, no problem, I got this.” Women in the same circle may be like, ok, there’s a couple of cute guys with hair in this social group, not sure which of them I will like yet (oh and a bald guy but I’m not counting him) Yeah I get that vibe from some women.
But then, because my confidence is high, I don’t accept that mindset that everyone else has, and I feel my own confidence higher than the other guys, despite what everyone else “knows” to be reality. The other nice-haired guys may even think, “phhhst, does this bald guy think he’s confident? Give it up buddy, you’re bald, maybe you’ll get one of the ugly girls if you’re lucky”
Then, one or more women may think, “he seems confident and funny somehow – can’t be genuine”. Then, I say something charming and the women in the group find it hilarious and adorable …but the men don’t. That’s when I start having fun. The women (those who don’t have a problem with bald) seem to feel their attraction growing towards me in opposite of what they expected and can’t explain why. As some women are growing in their attraction towards me, one or two of the others start clinging onto the guys with hair to avoid what may be their worst nightmare, dating a bald guy. Haha, that’s fine.
There’s also a liberating, exhilarating feeling of confidence, from not needing what so many others cling to, and yet pulling it off and getting away with it – pulling off a presentation, networking event, business or flirtatious meeting, just as confidently as if I had hair. Or more so. It feels incredible. Maybe it’s like the confidence a woman might feel switching to thong underwear. You bravely go out into the world with something newly naked, (your buttocks in this case), but instead of people laughing and giggling, you walk with confidence, and the whole world has to respect you. Yet, maybe it’s a little embarrassing and daring at first. Will you be as confident if you have to give a presentation in front of the whole group? Will you be distracted, or embrace it and even be more empowered? And is the mixture of these emotions in the brain, and the neurochemicals released, felt externally by others, and even attractive biologically? Now you see why a few words from me and my perspectives can grasp the attention of an intelligent woman.
What is an eligible single guy in the Bay Area?
Are there some women who will not like you bald even if you are awesome? Yes. Just like some women only look upward for tall men to check out, and don’t consider men who are 5’9” an option. (especially in online dating where you cant feel anything and only see stats) And especially true for some tall women. It’s just how they see the world. Don’t try to change them. Don’t resent them. It’s just what they want. Like bees to honey, or whatever. Focus on women who like you. Duh.
Now some women can be turned to the bright side and have their minds opened. There are many women who are not expecting a short bald guy (with love handles) to be awesome, and when I am being really fun, a few seconds into experiencing me, they actually do a double take and their eyes light up surprised like “Whaaaa…but …but …you?”
There’s a really interesting awakening process that seems to go on with a woman when her initial impression is that you’re not her type but then she slowly grows to think you’re very intriguing and wanting to spend more time with you.
Finding the heart of an intelligent, kind man
It is an amazing feeling to see a woman’s interest in you grow from zero steadily up through a conversation until she is absolutely into you at the end.
Even though I can win some women over, they are usually not the type I am looking for. I’m pretty sure I’m looking for a woman who leads with her open-minded, accepting view of the world where men are walking hearts, and has that open acceptance as a dominant part of her character.
A bald head is the kind of thing where, if you are feeling negative about it, anxious or nervous, a woman will feel what you feel. She’ll feel you have no confidence or self-assurance. If you are nervous around little old her, how will you be her protector in the dangerous world you’re in. Biologically, this is a repellant. It’s rarely pulloffable as cute. And I have pulled off a lot of awkward things as cute, believe me.
Btw, sometimes women appear repulsed by a guy who didn’t do anything wrong. This is natural and may be a couple of things besides resting bitch face. Women get approached by men a lot and develop a shield, which if you want their real attention, you have to get past. On the street, this may be very difficult. That same woman walks into a building and into an upscale networking party, and she’s suddenly receptive because now you are both part of an exclusive crowd. This is why some women on line at a club don’t want to talk to you, but when the bouncers select you, suddenly on the inside it’s ok. Another thing is women naturally are disgusted by men who are not suitable mates biologically, whether because these men are crazy, homeless, ill, or weak, emotionally or physically.
Regardless, I believe in being the best man I can be out of respect for all women.
So today, I pulled up on a cute girl walking while I was driving and got her number. Which by the way you should neverdo because usually you will freak the girl out. But I’m me, and her shoe broke and she was walking down the street barefoot. I offered her my old flip flops from the back seat, and ended up giving her a ride. My shaved head probably never crossed her mind other than her maybe thinking I’m somewhat cool. I was just in my laid back energy. I didn’t come on strong. In fact, I just stayed cool and I let her advance the interaction. I let her decide she wanted to keep chatting and jump in first, and only then offered her a ride. And, I let her dawdle and delay when I dropped her off before finally offering my number, and she gave me hers without asking. Pay attention to women.
As soon as you interact, say something, exchange energies, dynamics from looks shift. It’s not how cool a life you have had as a human being, but how you feel in that instant. First impressions count. Don’t forget, bald on a guy who goes to the gym, runs, and swims, is totally different than bald on a guy with a huge beer belly who dresses sloppy and isn’t present.
By the way, I love the feel. I can’t decide what feels better – driving around with the top and windows open on a hot day and getting a warm breeze scalp massage, or on a cooler evening getting a refreshing cool breeze massage, almost like swimming in a refreshing cool pool of baldness. You all with hair can be jelly. If you see me driving, just know I’m busy getting a scalp breeze massage, thank you. If I give you the finger, I’m not flicking you off, I’m merely enjoying the bliss. Just honk twice.
How to find an emotionally-intelligent man
For a woman, seeing how comfortable you are about your bald head tells her a lot about you on an emotional level. Everyone has faults and imperfections they are not comfortable with. Women are no exception. To see a “fault” that you absolutely embrace and have fun with is completely charming. Assuming, of course, you are laid back and amused and feeling fun and genuinely smiling and laughing yourself. Resting bitch face, an accidental weird vibe, or worse, the cold stare of a serial killer will not go over as well here. Which, if you ever accidentally give a woman, just give up, walk away, go home, take a shit, and try again tomorrow. (With a different woman.)
Side note: Online dating in San Francisco
This test is intentionally not online dating. But for intriguing comparison, shortly after shaving my head, I changed all my pictures to bald ones of me. My response rate dropped dramatically, to nonexistent. I also read that due to online dating, many women have more stringent height requirements than before, due to bring more selective online, and having more choices. So they think. But, as we know, power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the power to choose from countless tall good looking guys corrupts that warm part of your heart that would have been charmed in person by a dorky short guy. Then women wonder why the tall good looking guy that 10 women are chasing won’t commit, and why they are not happy? Ladies, love is random, and the true love of your life was that short bald guy in the elevator you ignored, while thinking about your six foot hunk who has no incentive to strive to become a better man, be loving or caring, educate himself, etc.. Natural selection would have weeded out short bald men thousands of years ago if they were not equal on the whole, and thus in other ways superior.
The other day, I went to a lounge and I just was not feeling super social. I had semi-awkward plain bland conversation with a couple of women, which didn’t go anywhere. I think it would’ve been only slightly better if I had hair, but the bald head definitely didn’t help. There weren’t women running up to me rubbing it and making a wish, checking their make-up in the reflection, or anything.
Vibe is so important. Chatting with a woman, your words may be 10% of it. If you think mid-conversation about a job interview that is coming up and how you bombed the last one, your vibe will shift, she will feel that, and lose interest. She doesn’t know why, she just knows talking to you feels like bombing a job interview and she doesn’t want that flavor of ice cream. It’s not a logical choice. Some women are more logical, but all women have this to varying degrees.
No women mentioned liking me more because I am bald. But there were several who wanted to see me, whom I haven’t seen in a while, and then I sent a bald picture as an experiment, and they changed their minds. Oh well, haha.
Bald doesn’t look sexy. It “feels” sexy inside the woman’s body and energy when combined with a great personality and other qualities. That’s why there is probably a huge discrepancy between how charming bald men do with online dating versus how charming bald men do in the real world. Ladies, online dating makes you more shallow. Buuuuuuut it’s convenient. It’s like the excessive sugar and fat in fast food that is hyper attractive. Likewise the dopamine from scrolling social media and its emotion-grabbing posts one after the other – more than a real life social gathering. It’s hyperstimulation. It’s unnatural. Sorry.
Do women discover a bald man‘s intelligence faster?
Some women feel a swirl of emotions from your bald head, sometimes just subconsciously, beneath the surface. They may feel discomfort or nervousness with bald heads generally. They may wonder if you are traumatized or depressed by it. Women love their hair and may even harbor a subconscious fear of being bald themselves. For some women, that’s the stuff of nightmares. Some women have a natural amusement about bald heads, or find a bald head funny the way kids giggle about and make fun of a bald head before they learn it’s improper. Yes, there is a subconscious temptation to laugh at your baldness. Deal. Now, if you are emotionally hurt by your own bald head, women are nervously avoiding causing you more pain. Empathy. Even the potential of such a sensitive subject may make women a little initially uncomfortable.
But if you are totally at ease, and love your bald head, and find it the sexiest thing ever, and I make fun about it mercilessly, egg jokes etc, it completely disarms a woman with tension-built and explosively-released laughter. You have to own it. Even for women who may have felt a little uncomfortable about my bald head, if I use self-deprecating humor about it, they are often immediately disarmed and charmed when they see I am completely comfortable and making fun of my own bald head. Some of these women wear big warm smiles and remember me weeks later, even just a waitress in a restaurant I only said a few words to.
The other day I was chatting in a group with several intelligent women. When out of the blue in the conversation, I slipped in a hilarious crack about my own bald head. These women’s faces exploded with smiles and laughter. I mean, come on. I get to make women laugh, let them enjoy feeling beautiful, and share a mutual elation of maturity, intelligence and depth by being above silly things like hair? What’s not to love? By the way, jokes about not wanting to be electrocuted because I’m already bald are particularly funny, I’m not even sure why. Not wanting to go bowling because drunk people are always rolling the ball at me…you get the idea.
Finding a single man with a good sense of humor
I believe I have a very intelligent style of humor. Stupid humor is obviously a better crowd-pleaser. But the good thing about my brand, is, it’s mine. I’m not just making a woman laugh, but amusing myself. The point is, intelligent humor is a test of a mate’s intelligence. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, I think homo sapiens are alone in the use of humor. In the animal kingdom it can’t be used to find food or stop a dangerous threat. So what other purpose does it serve in our social order?
As a side note and for the record, I think it is nothing wrong with a woman being bald, to shave her head because she is on a swim team, or to focus on this year’s studies in grad school, or just because she likes the look and feel. No excuse needed. If you look at magazine covers and movies, there are almost zero bald women. Bald women are completely ignored by media, movies, and commercials. Other than a few actresses who usually do it for a role and get some coverage, you almost never see it. Many women would go bald by choice if it were acceptable in society and the workplace. Many others are bald, not by choice, for whatever reason, including alopecia, or cancer, and are forced to hide it. I think marketing and media people need to realize they are causing a stigma where there needn’t be one. This causes many bald women to feel ashamed, like they have something to hide when they don’t, even worse than for men. This harms women, who may have to fear going to school or a workplace and having to fit an image, or cant play sports for fear of a wig falling off. The sooner we as a society realize we have ignored a large percentage of women and forced them to hide who they really are, the better we all will be. A shaved or bald head need not be associated with a “punk” or rebellious, or any other particular style or attitude or health status on a woman any more than on a man, for whom bald is completely professional now; doctors, lawyers, etc. Point is, I don’t know why when I see a toothpaste commercial, there isn’t a smiling bald woman in it, no explanation of why she is bald needed.
And just for the record, while I love beautiful hair on women, I would have no problem whatsoever dating a bald woman if she were otherwise awesome. Zero qualms whatsoever. I’d even go beyond that and say, if you don’t mind indulging in a fantasy for a moment, if three women were competing for my love; a brunette, a blonde, and a bald woman, which of them I choose would be based on facial beauty, eyes, smile, intelligence, personality, playfulness, etc. The bald woman wouldn’t be at any disadvantage, and could compete head to head. Har, har, sorry, couldn’t resist. So, while hair can be beautiful, for me and many others, beauty is in the face and other characteristics, and a bald woman can be just as beautiful, even if she doesn’t see it in the mirror. But indeed, I have always thought beauty is in the face. Hair may be an interesting highlight or twist, but it’s like jewelry – it doesn’t make the person more attractive. Sorry but I’m not a fish to be drawn to sparkling shiny objects shimmering past me in the water.
Does it help intelligent women find an intelligent man?
The other day I decided to be adventurous and try speed dating. It sounded fun, and also I thought that it would be a great way to just casually converse with several women and gauge their interest levels. I shaved 2 hours before and was bald as a cue ball. All those other guys hitting on the prettiest woman there had hair, and yet she decided to leave with me after the event and hang out with me the rest of the evening. She jumped on my arm, we spent the evening walking around the city, and she has been texting and pursuing me for another date ever since. My hair never came up in conversation, and for all I know, it never crossed her mind. My best guess of what she is thinking is, “here is this deep, awesome, intelligent man I love stimulating conversations with and whom I enjoy being around, with a good career, nice smile, charm, warm eyes, who I feel comfortable around, and I can’t wait to see him again.” Maybe she never even noticed it consciously? I don’t know whether a) it’s the furthest thing from their minds, b) they are completely into personalities, or 3) maybe they like bald heads. It’s not even discussed, so I cant tell. Just like when I had my blonde hair, my hairstyle usually never came up in discussion.
Either a woman likes the whole package of a man or she doesn’t. Maybe such women think I am good looking bald. Maybe they see it as just another perfectly acceptable look and are focused on my other qualities. Maybe they are enjoying looking into my eyes and it doesn’t even cross their minds to look up or think about it. Maybe she thinks, “omg, he has beautiful eyes and that is my favorite feature!!, woohoo!” Maybe her only thought is, “I guess I don’t have to worry about him going bald.” Some women are bothered by the look of thinning hair on men a lot more, and bald just takes a negative away and makes it a nice, clean look – like there’s nothing to even give a second thought to. Maybe some women just see it as a super-professional clean look, like “he’s so into his work and profession, he isn’t going to fuss with it.”
Since I usually clean shave before I go out, there’s no way women can know whether I am bald by choice or permanently. These women are apparently completely excited about dating me as follicle-less as Mr. Clean, Yul Brinner, Daddy Warbux, or Kojak. I’m pretty sure I could date these women long term without her literally ever mentioning my baldness. They don’t seem to care in the slightest if it’s permanent, and I guess they probably assume it is. Who knows, maybe it is 😉 For this experiment, I purposely decided not to plan to grow it back or even decide if or when in order to feel the full effect of taking the plunge.
But does it help an intelligent women’s search to find an intelligent man?
I’m curious whether taking the stereotypical good looks out of the equation makes some deeper women look inward even more so, to try to understand a man’s intelligence, honesty, or other good qualities. I once was at a restaurant, and there was an intelligent woman who seemed to be giving a bald guy an extra chance. I distinctly noticed her listening to him and paying extra attention to assess his personality, as if she was just checking to make sure, for her own knowledge, that she wasn’t superficially passing up a wonderful man, possibly passed up by others for a silly reason. So, could bald be an unmasking that brings out other personal qualities to focus on, the way a blind person focuses on other senses like improved hearing?
Could some women see a bald guy and say, ok, let me go right to his personality? And let’s say such a woman is really into intelligence, could there be a logical override that stimulates a different, more conscious part of her brain? As if to say, a lot of shallow women probably passed him up, but why don’t I find out who he is inside and see if he is a diamond in the rough.
Are intelligent women more introspective, analytical, logical, or rationally guided in searching to find the right man?
The crux of my thesis is…
Are intelligent women more rationally thinking, consciously driven, maybe even more independent or outside the box thinking in how they examine men, whereas unintelligent woman are more likely to follow their feelings and emotions like a leaf in the wind?
And such are intelligent women more like likely to be curious about a bald man than someone who decides based on initial impression absent thought?
Does a bald head help a woman focus on a man’s head more, leaving her wondering what is inside?
Is an intelligent woman more likely to see a man and logically realize that he is not her initial impression of an attractive man, and therefore become consciously curious?
Does this enhance her focus to something out of the ordinary? What if that new focus is intriguing? What if that focus helps her notice my intelligence, and subtle playfulness and charm?
Is it like finding a diamond in the rough, precisely because it’s not the stereotypical image, and are intelligent women more likely to make that counterintuitive decision to explore a bald man’s character?
If a shaved head is stereotypically associated with being a badass, and I open my mouth and surprisingly say something adorable or brilliant, does it throw a twist into her automatic perception of the world?
And what if this twist in her autopilot grabs an intelligent woman’s attention?
What if a woman was just about to do a quick check and dismiss you, and out of the blue I say something that touches her heart or makes her almost pee her pants laughing?
Does the bald head add to her personal growth in that moment? …As she writes off the shallow view she held just a moment ago and is forced to be above it to her own surprise?
How feminine must she feel, being completely lifted up and thrown for an emotional loop enjoying feelings for a man she visually thought she couldn’t?
Is it the emotional equivalent of being twirled and spun and floated across a dance floor and dipped and tossed into the contrasting warm feeling of a man’s stability and security?
And why do I feel like the women reading this are enthralled and the men have no idea what I’m talking about?
What I mean is, what if there is a contrast between what a woman is told to find attractive in movie heroes and magazines, and her actual in-person feelings? Does that contrast create a dynamism which creates a diversity of feelings inside her? What if there is a contrasting fluctuation between “I cant be with a bald guy” and “omg I’m actually being drawn to him, do I dare?!”
Maybe a woman just decides to chat for a moment so as to not discriminate, but not really intending to give a bald man a chance, sort of as a dare to herself – like just chatting briefly with a bad boy she doesn’t really want to be with. Maybe she thinks, “oh a bald guy, I’m not attracted or interested in dating him, but it is a dramatic look, let me just say a few words and flirt with the idea of flirting with a bald guy. What if then, she finds excitement in the brief chat, and says, oh, I’ll just give him my number – not intending to date, but just flirting with the excitement of taking it to the next level. Perhaps flirting with the excitement of flirting with a man she wouldn’t consciously want to be with. Then, what if she’s intrigued and actually dares herself to go for coffee?
Finding out who is a mature, intelligent, interesting, single man by getting to know personality.
Mark Twain said you need two things to be successful in business, “ignorance and confidence.” Is dating the same? And do those with the intelligence to question otherwise blind confidence have less confidence as a result of self-reflection?
Is choosing the bald man exciting because it’s a little rebellious for intelligent woman in style? Maybe I’m a little rebellious and outside the box in doing this.
But I think as a woman, choosing a bald man when I could have a guy with hair might be an exciting, interesting change to try something different. It’s a little outside the image portrayed to her on TV. Would an intellectually curious woman be into that? Maybe, the same way a European man may have a thing for an “exotic” looking woman.
In religious context, shaving of the head is often associated with shame. So what is it say about a man who is voluntarily wearing a classic symbol of shame but is completely confident, proud and unashamed despite it? Is that confidence in the face of adversity? Is it confident to not choose the image a man is told to, and not be ashamed of any associated stigma? Your friends giggled about seeing a bald guy as kids, but now you proudly date one, and his baldness is not even discussed – is that a symbol of your maturity that you proudly walk through life with him as your choice? How about that confidence of a woman walking down the street with a bald man by her side? Does it symbolize her acceptance of him for other qualities? Or even her confidence in her decision? Is it a constant reminder that she didn’t pick her man based on image, that makes her continually look inward at the man she is with?
A young woman would embark on a whole new level of maturity dating a bald man. As a young year old woman, if you bring home a man you are dating to meet your mother, you could have been in a mild conflict with your mom about your maturity and acceptance as an adult woman your whole life. Many moms have trouble letting go of their baby. Especially Jewish moms, And when you bring home a bald man, your mom may look at you as a mature woman in a way she never has before. It brings out your femininity as you battle letting go of superficialities and falling for a guy some woman may not want to on some superficial levels. It brings out depth to accept your feelings over your eyes, like beauty and the beast.
Sitting in a restaurant with a bald man, does a woman feel mature and confident, for choosing a bald man when she could obviously have a man with hair? Does it signal a woman who chose her man for more mature reasons? Will other women think, wow, what is it about that man? She’s obviously very beautiful and has a choice. Do they have a connection and meet on a level that other men could not?
Maybe it’s intriguing how bald highlights a man’s other assets, personality and confidence, masculinity, energy and style. When I speak to her with something totally playful and cute that makes her laugh, it’s completely surprising and charming. I not only accept this “huge social flaw and stigma” but I am better than ok with it. Everyone has flaws they are quite aware of and constantly deal with. To accept them completely and be one’s best anyway and make it through unscathed is a universal concept. To accept this openly and let a woman’s feelings decide is a mutual deepening shared, where the woman actually gets to experience this whilst keeping her own beautiful hair intact.
It’s beauty and the beast. It is a woman falling for a man for who he is inside, at least on some level, because the man doesn’t look like the image sold to her in the media. Was there ever a Disney hero that was bald btw? A bald prince charming who swept a princess off her feet? I didn’t think so. Even the Beast had hair. Lots of it.
One some level, I think for some intelligent women, what is intriguing is the contrast between seeing a man’s bare head – something that brings some men to their knees, and breaks their confidence, a symbol of shame, and, yet, a man who is being completely confident, carefree, charming. It forces her to be completely confident and accepting also. It’s a gleaming reminder that the both of them are above shallowness, childish immaturities, others’ opinions, superficialities, and are completely happy focused on deeper matters.
Yes, indeed I do believe for some women, being with a bald man not only complements her physical beauty by contrasting and highlighting her head of hair, but, also, I think it is a symbol of her maturity, perhaps intelligence, and focus on character and internal qualities and being above the childishness and shallowness that may make some other women say no to bald. A man’s bald head can be a symbol of his lady’s femininity, internal beauty, and grace.
I think if I were a woman, I would love the combination of intelligence, edgy, trendy, masculine and confident, and not needing to go by the mainstream.
I might say a bald man is attractive the same reason I would find a woman attractive if she had a very interesting, unique and difficult last name, and yet announced it proudly at every opportunity. Maybe I have a thing for confidence in the face of adversity. Maybe strength in the face of adversity. Confidence about yourself when something is unique and different, even if not fitting into a mold. I took a class in school, and one of the students was a very intelligent woman, who had spoken up strongly, and calmly, but with emotion, with very respectable and moral viewpoints. At the end of the class everyone had to give a presentation, and when she went, her voice shook the entire time. She was clearly extremely nervous, but while in shock and petrified judging by her voice and face, she stood up tall and proud and went through her entire presentation unwaivering, nice and loud without missing a step. I was stunned by her strength, and at how much I respected her for this – more than extroverts who easily give presentations casually. And, I will always respect her for how she carried herself despite obviously having had her hands full with the challenge. Had she been single at the time, and if I had been also, I would have asked her out in a heartbeat.
So yes, anyone can be confident with perfect hair. I think what catches the attention of the woman I am looking for, is confidence in the face of adversity.
If I were a woman, I would think a bald head on a confident man would be one of the sexiest things in the world.
Do women feel more beautiful and feminine around a bald man?
I do feel like I enjoy and appreciate feminine beauty more. There’s nothing to appreciate a beautiful head of brunette or blonde hair noticing the long stresses or curls then being bald yourself because it’s the complete opposite. I feel like I notice women’s beautiful hair more, and women’s beauty more overall. I am very aware of the beauty of the beautiful blonde hair of the one woman I like, and the gorgeous long brown hair of another, and the beautiful dark curly hair of another.
I think women also feel that. Think about it, would a woman feel more beautiful next to someone with similarly awesome beautiful hair, or next to a bald head that contrasts and complements and highlights her gorgeous head of hair? I think the flaunting of a woman’s hair is definitely an attractive feminine quality, and this contrast only amplifies it. So yeah, I guess it is exhilarating to let women flaunt their beauty and be able to appreciate it so vividly.
I think with some women, there is a certain battle that rages, between her not liking bald heads, and being somehow subconsciously drawn to it. That contrast may be intriguing for a woman caught between what she sees with her eyes and what she feels. With her eyes, she may think, “oh, he’s bald”, and be not sure what to think of it. She’ll may not like that look, but then notice that the man’s eyes are sexy. She may swing back and think, but I cant date a bald guy when I can have guys with great hair, and then think “but oh he is so funny and charming.” This back and forth contrast may be intriguing, even fascinating to a complex and intelligent woman.
Conclusions on this single, intelligent man’s San Francisco dating experience:
One woman I never met told me that a bald head really suits my personality, and maybe she was right.
As far as my experiment, being bald does have some clear negatives, and some positives.
In social life generally, there is an initial first glance negativity from a good chunk of the population, and people are a little less warm to me, some even a little standoffish. That warmth and cozy with many people the way I am with hair is missing in the first few seconds. With hair, people are generally nicer to me, warmer, more trusting, and more accepting. You will be looked at my many as deficient, less trustworthy, less than fully valuable by some. If there is a vote of who gets to survive the apocalypse, you might not be voted in unless you have a special skill.
Do I think, being bald for the average dorky guy with average motivation and energy and effort dating online makes things harder. Yes.
Would shaving my own personal head increase or decrease my chances of finding the right partner in the dating world? It’s not clear, but it probably would not significantly reduce my overall chances of at least getting at least some quality women, if I keep it shaved clean, fully own it with confidence, and go out and meet women in person, dressing slightly better, working out, andfocusing on enjoying the challenge with a fun personality.
Even for me online dating? – fuggetaboudit – many women turn far too shallow online and their attention span becomes that of a pigeon. (sorry ladies, you know I love you but it’s true for many) If a woman dates online, she has so many options, and so many tall, good-looking guys with apparently big social status, careers etc., constantly sending her entertaining texts. It is rare that a women who dates online has the attention span to look deep inside a man for his heart and character based on a photo. In fact, if she dates online, even if she likes you in person, she may remember you as a bald guy and compare you to the 20 good looking guys with hair who messaged her online that day. This is, unless she a) really connected with you, and b) has not had her attention span reduced by dating-apps. I truly see a difference between dating women who date online versus those who do not, regardless where I met them. If you’re looking for a particular type of woman, a narrow niche, good luck, because you will have to find them in person. My response rate was about 25% online with hair, and about 2% bald, same profile, stats, etc.
In person meeting women and dating? Hard numbers? My best guess: it depends on the woman’s age and maturity, but 75% of women I am interested in (age 27-36) will have at least a slightly or somewhat negative or more neutral initial reaction, and of those, and half I wont have a chance with.
For the segment of women who don’t care, maybe 25% of the population, if I immediately come off as charming, intelligent, interesting, and they don’t date online, I don’t think there is any or much added difficulty in getting numbers, dates etc.
For the mystical 2% of women who actually like bald men, I am one of a very limited good looking, charming, intelligent, intellectual, playful, bald men. This makes me a niche, if I can just find these women. I’ve been hanging out in the supermarket egg section, bowling alleys, and pool halls, but so far, nothing.
With women who care about hair, I am off the radar of a lot of them (same as if I were 80 years old, 400 pounds, or a star trek fanatic). Dating bald may be a lot more work. You’ll have to dress better and smile more. Many women will initially see me as invisible. Many women will immediately not be interested. Dating may be a lot more work for a lot less result for many. I can definitely have a good dating life with women, but it may not necessarily be the women I would first choose and I may have a broader selection with hair. The days of just being in a casual conversation and “accidentally” get a girl’s number shoved into your phone hadn’t really happened.
Women have their types. Some have dated all shapes and sizes. There are different types of male archetypes. There is the tall, well-built jock. There is the intellectual nerd. Some like tattoos and parole officers. The edgy yuppie. The grungy hippie “ok it’s shower day” type. Some women like men with nice eyes. Others like men who are “manly.” Some women like wealth. Some women are attracted to social status and like frat-guy-type social scenes and see that as part of the guy. Some women don’t notice men under 5’10”.
Bald is polarizing. A guy may shave his head, and go down from a 7 to a 5 based on the “good-looking factor.” But, if the guy is an intellectual, the bald head and beard may boost him on the manliness scale from a 4 to an 8, increasing his overall value for some women. #Polarizing. #You only need one. I’ll never be a 9 for many women based on good looks alone with hair, but bald, for a select niche, I can be a 9. (Woohoo)
Coming off as more masculine may balance out my easy going mild-mannered nature (the Godfather didn’t have to yell either), until women can know my inner strength and charm.
It is important to remember that I enjoy being bald, so for me, my confidence, playfulness, and intelligent charm are especially high for a bald guy. Owning it matters. Many women are attracted to confidence – something you cannot see at first glance or online. But if you’re bald, and charming and funny, it highlights the confidence even more. And, a woman who dates me bald will have a constant gleaming reminder of her own warm accepting heart, depth, maturity and character. And after growing up shy, and self-conscious, and caring about what everyone thinks, I love the idea of simply not caring what many beautiful women think. I love the idea that I only date mature intelligent women who don’t mind, or don’t care about looks.
Despite the initial neutrality and initial invisibility to many women, to women’s credit, many other women walk around with their eyes closed, so to speak. I think some women literally don’t care about a bald head. And by that I mean, it’s not the slightest bit of a negative. I don’t just mean she’ll tolerate or come to accept it as a minor fault. I mean you lose zero points. Irrelevant. She doesn’t even notice. Listening guys? She didn’t notice. Literally. Or, you went on a date with her bald and she doesn’t remember what your hairstyle is. Figuratively hopefully. It never crossed her mind. Whether consciously or unconsciously, their “feelings” for you aren’t affected. As long as a man is acceptable looking, clean and groomed, many women’s focus is on other factors, like intelligence, honesty, personality, character, or whatever traits she likes. I think such mature women of any age utterly don’t care. By that I mean, there are mature 27 year olds who couldn’t care less, and 37 year old women who cringe at the thought o dating a bald guy. Maturity does not equal age. I personally believe these women have deeper character, but it is hard to determine the difference between that and innocent preference. She will just as happily flirt with, give their number to, date, fall in love with, and be swept away by a bald man without the slightest qualm and shout “woohoo” as she ties the knot.
Months later: I am confident, happily dating, with choices of whom I want to date, and not quite ready to settle down yet. I even politely rejected several attractive women who are not what I’m looking for. I have gone from a guy who leads with looks, to a guy who leads with an intelligent, charming personality, against the backdrop of the woman’s maturity and intelligence.
So bald guys, please stop complaining. And ladies, get off the online. Make men work for it.
Living in the North San Francisco Bay Area, 42 male, though I look about 35, I enjoy dating women date women ages 28-35 because I am looking ot ultimately settle down and have kids. Feel free to send me your comments if you found this interesting.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton